Happy Monday.

June 16, 2008

*phone rings*

ME: (Location of job), this is Yvanka.

SHE: Hi, Yvanka – this is Jennifer from (job’s security force). I have some bad news.

ME: Oh? What can I do for you?

SHE: No, some bad news for you, personally.

ME: …what?

SHE: You parked on (intersection where I parked), today? And you’re driving a (my car, described exactly)?

ME: Ah… um, yes. What happened to my car?

SHE: A facilities management employee was weedwhacking, Yvanka, and he hit a rock or something with the weedwhacker, and it shattered your window.

ME: …

SHE: Um, so I’ll need you to go take a look, and I’ll need some information from you.

ME: HA! Great. That’s amazing. No, FANTASTIC! I’ll do that. I’ll… be calling you back.

(A brief time passes, during which I go out to my car, gather photographic evidence of the carnage, and laugh at the ridiculousness. But just a little bit.)

ME: Hi, this is Yvanka – I’m the one whose car was violated by the wild landscaping equipment?

SHE: HAHA. Yeaaaaaaaaaaah, that sucks.

(I give her all of my information. Presumably, she writes it down.)

ME: So do I need to contact (place of employment’s finance and operations department), or will they contact me?

SHE: Oh, yeah, they should contact you soon about whether or not they’ll pay for it.

ME: Ahem, what? They’ll be paying for it. (meaning: Excuse the fuck out of me, but they will certainly be goddamn paying for it. There is no reasonable situation in which my fully-legal street parking would preclude the all-expenses-paid replacement of the window that Y’ALL BROKE, motherfuckers.)

SHE: Oh, hahahahaha, yeah, they should probably pay for it. But they’ll call you.


So over lunchtime, my boss-lady helped me to clear the majority of the glass from my passenger seat, and the ground, and tape a big frickin’ piece of plastic onto my vehicle with the red duct tape.  Which just screams “Steal this car, bitches!”  It is exactly the sort of amazing-looking spectacle you would expect.


One Response to “Happy Monday.”

  1. Laquesha LoveGoddess Says:

    Oh that sucks donkey balls. I’m so sorry. 😦

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