Two things, quite disparate.

June 30, 2008

When I study something asinine, I triumph – or – I SO SMART WHEN STUFF IS DUMB!

There are some courses in the land of business where I find myself doing as good of a job – or better – when I’m winging it. My ability to bullshit is one of the best, most finely-tuned tools in my arsenal. So I don’t do the reading.

Oh, sure, doing the reading wouldn’t be a detriment to me. It might, in the long run, be a good choice. (I think my professors would advocate that it would, in fact, be a better plan.) But taking the time to read three chapters and two articles on organizational change – a topic which is, at most, theoretical drivel? Yeah, I don’t have time for that useless nonsense.

And since I have the ability to not read yet participate, do a skim-scan of the reading during the first four minutes of class and pull the buzzwords and main points, convince the professor and my groupmates that I’ve totally got my shit together, and act as if I’ve been practicing these jackassward management philosophies for years… why not?

Reading back, that sounds really snotty, like I’M SO SMART I DON’T NEED NEW KNOWLEDGE NYAH NYAH. That’s not what I meant. There are courses where I MUST read. (Business law, anyone?) It’s just when, um, stuff is real dumb, I can fake it.

Oh! Oh yes! I am fascinated by you, organizational theory! Oh, OH GOD! I CAN’T HANDLE THE BRILLIANCE! Oh OH CHANGE MANAGEMENT! I LOVE YOU! YES I AM TOTALLY PAYING ATTENTION YES I SWEAR YES YES YES YES RIGHT THEEEEEEERE!

THE LEFT HAND DOESN’T KNOW WHAT THE RIGHT HAND IS DOING

I hate gladiator sandals. I think they are hideous, foolish foot-stumpifiers and that ladies who are not eighty feet tall are not assisted by havin’ em on their feet. I am five-foot-five and not a rail-thin lady. I mean, I’m not a complete lardass, by any means, but I have a little extra poundage and wearing weirdly strappish flats is not particularly flattering for this average-sized woman. (I’m a size twelve, sometimes a fourteen, aimin’ for a size ten by the end of summer, just by the way. In case you’re interested, or picturing me as an Extreme Blimpo McGee. I swear. Why would I lie?)

Anyhow, gladiator sandals. I spend my days standing next to a classy lady who happens to be five-foot-nine AND perpetually wearing heels, for a total of FUCKING TALL. If I don’t join her in heels-land, I come up to her shoulder. Not cute!

Gladiator sandals are TOO strappy, and in a totally weird way.  Completely bizarrely set up, and unNECESSARY!  We have regular sandals!  Slip-ons!  Flip-flops!  Do we really need more options for sort-of shoe-ish foot coverings?  We’re just not satisfied!  Consumerism!  More more more!  ALSO not cute!

But you know what is cute?

I am glad about these.  HA, get it?

This pair of bronze snakeskin-lookin’ gladiator sandals I bought from Target.

Goddamnit.

-mym

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2 Responses to “Two things, quite disparate.”

  1. Mon Frer Says:

    Those are cute! Did they come with a Sword? I can totally imagine you with a sword.

  2. yvanka Says:

    Sword not included, unfortunately. But today, I am going out to get a hands-free set, a NEW PHONE, and a sword. I will wield multiple weapons, baby!

    Hee!


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