A mixed blessing.

August 7, 2008

SO I joined match.com – and was immediately sucked into the good times.  And also the bad times.

I’ve been emailing with a really cute girl who seems to really get me – she has a lot of the same feelings I do, pet peeves, likes, dislikes… she even writes with a cadence similar to mine.  It seems like she’s into me, and I feel like I’m into her.

I’ve also been emailing with another girl – one who ‘winked’ at me, and since I was flattered I began a conversation.  Turns out, she doesn’t drink, doesn’t swear, and is a big athlete.  Turns out, when it comes to me, that is the trifecta of incompatibility.

Also, I don’t ever want to play two-truths-and-a-lie over email.  How does that work?  It’s not even fun if you don’t know someone a little bit already.  Especially when it’s introduced like we’re all in lesbian dating kindergarten.

“Here’s a fun little game for you.””

Nope.  I don’t want to play it.

Sigh.  I’m being a bitch.  She seems perfectly nice, and it’s not her fault that I’m a judgmental whorebasket.  Or that I’m feeling way more into this other girl.

And about THAT… we’ve been emailing at a pretty fast pace, usually exchanging at least one long and thoughtful email, each, daily.

I haven’t heard from her for two nights.

This dating thing.  It’s fuckin’ complicated.  I feel bad for not wanting to go on a date with the girl who is emailing me in a socially awkward way.  And then I feel bad about feeling bad, because I should get to date who I want to – what the hell would anybody want with a pity date?  And then I feel excited and nervous about the other girl, and THEN I remember how long she’s taken to respond and I feel like… oh God, does SHE think I’M socially awkward?  And then I have to reread the emails to make sure I haven’t acted like a total fuck – it seems that I haven’t – and I berate myself because two days, really, in the scheme of things… and we only know each other over the internet.

See, see?  See what my brain is doing?  Could you even follow that?

I am going to bed, goddamnit.

2 Responses to “A mixed blessing.”

  1. GlitterPaintPony Says:

    It’s crazy what we put ourselves through. It really is just HARD. But for all that heartache and worry, I truly believe that it can end up being worth it. And at least more exciting (good or bad) than sitting in your jammies alone eating spaghetti and watching Law and Order…AGAIN.

  2. GlitterPaintPony Says:

    Point of clarification: I still want to sit in my jammies eating spaghetti and watching Law and Order…it’s just nice when someone does it with you.

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