August 7, 2008

Okay, guys, HELLO, motherfucking I HAVE EYES.

The following exchange happened this morning, talking to a friend – we’ll call her Dana – and her NOT SO SECRET secret lover, who keeps on showing up, everywhere, ALL THE TIME. How do I know he’s her secret lover. Oh, believe me I KNOW. That’s a story for another day.

SO we were catching up on the situation with the work-study student who has so recently stoked my ire fire.

Me: …and it just makes me SO MAD. Mostly because of the lying, and the digging herself into a hole, and then MANUFACTURING FALSE EVIDENCE – which is so obviously false, it’s not even amusic. AND then the fact that she didn’t even take the time to cover her tracks appropriately. I know all the tricks. Come on, girl, don’t you think I’m smart?

Secret Lover: Oh, you’re smart. You are a smart one.

My mouth: Huh.

My brain: Hold on. Are you mocking me right now, Muttonchops McGee? You? With the secret you’re trying to hide? With the small talk and the forced witless banter that you think is funny but certainly isn’t? Don’t you know that I know?

Dana’s face: Oh no.

Secret Lover: I wouldn’t ever try to pull one over on you!

My brain: Bullshit. Ultra bullshit – because you’re DEFINITELY trying to keep up the facade of no way, I’m not totally trying to get with Dana and just because you’ve got Historically Accurate Facial Hair doesn’t mean you’ve got your shit together. Fool.

Dana’s face: Omg, Secret Lover, she totally knows. And you sound like a huge tool right now.

My mouth: (nonchalantly) Good. Because I would catch you.

My brain: The only reason I’m not calling you on this right now is because Dana doesn’t need any more stress in her life. But don’t try that crap again. I will never be in the mood to play your little games. Punk.


One Response to “BLEARGH.”

  1. Laquesha LoveGoddess Says:

    I lol’d. Heartily.

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