Inspired by Sweetney — a look back.

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1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
I dated a girl, on purpose.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I can’t remember whether I made any resolutions.  I probably did, and it probably included something about losing weight.  And yes, yes, I will make more, and they will include continued weight loss and maintaining positive body consciousness.  And they will be in haiku form.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Jesus.  I am not picturing any babies, so… no?

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Wow, no.  Not in 2008.

5. What countries did you visit?
Laaaame, I was domestic all year.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
I would like it very much if the people that I love could have some peace.

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
When even am I.  I can’t remember anything.  Squeezebean got married on August 10th.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Losing 25 pounds.  (By the way!  It’s 25 now!  I achieved my original goal!  I’d planned to get a tattoo to celebrate, but… now I don’t know.)

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not trusting myself to be good enough, to have appropriate or meaningful answers, and staying silent instead.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Not that I can remember.  OH I had walking pneumonia in February — god, that was exciting.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My iPhone!  Love it.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Jesus, I don’t know.  Oh, actually: my sister.  It’s been so much easier to talk to her, recently, and I love that we’re building an adult relationship.  It’s really wonderful.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
You know, I think this is the same answer as last year’s year-in-review — Boss-Lady’s jackass husband.  Fucktard.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Food, tuition, student loans, gas.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I attended one party in May that was just

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Journey’s Don’t Stop Believing — because of SB’s wedding.  Also, Ingrid Michaelson’s Be OK.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?
Probably a little sadder.
b) thinner or fatter?
Thinner.
c) richer or poorer?
Richer.  Huzzah.  But not for long!

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Comforting.  Hugging.  Learning.  Understanding.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Procrastinating on my homework.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
At church, at Megan‘s, at home and at Grandpa’s.

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
All over again.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
Is it terrible that I enjoy televisionwithoutpity just as much as I like the actual programs?  That said, I learned about the L word this year – it was probably my favorite new discovery.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Nah.  I still really want to punch the same jerks.

24. What was the best book you read?
The Girls by Diana McLellan, and a bunch of other ones.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
The Wailin’ Jennys.

26. What did you want and get?
Tons of things.

27. What did you want and not get?
A peaceful resolution.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Mamma Mia.  I know, cheesy, but you know what else?  Adorable.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 25, and I had an AMAZING MURDER MYSTERY PARTY.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Direction.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Wear it.  Put it on and go to work.

32. What kept you sane?
Lis, Meg, Cat.  Happy hours.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
You know… uh… well.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
The election.  Prop 8.

35. Who did you miss?
Grandma H.

36. Who was the best new person you met?
I have many.  My sister’s new boyf is an awesome guy, and really excellent for her.  Also, New Blasphemous Pastor.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
Academia is just the investment of time.  That’s all it is: time.  It’s easy.  Let the rest of it go, don’t worry about it — it’s just. Time.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
I just want to feel something today
I just want to know today, know today, know today
Know that maybe I will be ok

-Ingrid Michaelson

Christmas Limbo!

December 24, 2008

So I still have one project to turn in. I know, I know. But our final class meeting was cancelled last week due to inclement weather (no joke, swearsies), and I didn’t have it done then anyway, and I was so busy working the long-long-long paper with Boss-Lady… and the professor has emailed me and said, basically, that it’s cool if I’m slow as long as I get it in in time for him to grade by the NEW YEAR. I mean really, where’s the motivation to move my ass there?

And so I have been screwing around here, at work, for about two hours, instead of finishing that project. I am the ultimate lameass. Boss-Lady has taken the day off (and she took yesterday off, and the day before that) so again, there’s nothing saying HEY YVANKA GET A MOVE ON.

Anyhow. I’m gonna try to at least write five pages by the noon release bell. Then tonight I have two services (OH! maybe! Just got a call from Pastor thinking about cancelling one of ’em!) and a party. So MERRY CHRISTMAS to you and yours, and I hope it’s all glories and cranberry strings and tarts and warm glows.

Finishing out the movement.

December 12, 2008

Cadence, already!  This semester feels like a goddamn organ concerto – just going onnnn, and onnnnnnn, and onnnnnnnnnn, with a false ending every fourteen seconds.  LET’S BE DONE ALREADY.

I did finish my in-class statistics exam last night.  And it wasn’t as horrid as I expected.  I have the following projects left:

  • Take-home regression analysis (due Friday the 19th)
  • Special project in Statistics (due Friday the 19th)
  • Reading notebook and summary paper in Organizations & Leadership (due Thursday the 18th)
  • Final project (40-pg essay and presentation) in Orgs & L. (due Thursday the 18th)

Wow, that kind of continues to suck, actually.  I’m gonna see if I can knock one or the other out today.  And this weekend isn’t free, either — I have two rehearsals and a concert on Saturday, and a pageant to direct on Sunday.  BUT THEN!  I get to go out for Fancy Dinner!  God I am so excited for that.

Now to put out some small worky fires.  Yuck.

FYIs.

December 8, 2008

I have a mug next to me, my favorite of all the old mugs my family has, with a shack-y fishing village and pelicans on it.  It reminds me of Pete’s Dragon and the song Candle on the Water.  My love for you will always burn.


I am noticing more and more recently the gender- and heterosexual-specific non-neutral turns of phrase used around my workplace.  Careful the things you say – children will listen.


The price of being a sheep is boredom.
The price of being a wolf is loneliness.
Choose one or the other with great care.

-Hugh Macleod

Self-esteem.

December 8, 2008

I feel good.  Well, if you discount all the lame-ass shit I have to do this week.  I feel mentally beleaguered.  BUT,  I feel good, physically.

I have now lost twenty-two pounds, actual pounds of fat.  And I’ve been working out, a little – one night of crunches, one night of light arm weights, wedging clay and playing bongos (they totally count.) – so I think I might actually be developing a little muscle, as well.  So it’s practically feasible that I have lost 25 pounds.  From a start-point of 165, a loss of 22 pounds is a weight-decrease of about 13%.  That’s two babies.  Three, if they’re small.  That’s two eleven-pound bowling balls.  That is more than one tenth-of original-recipe me.  Holy shit.

No wonder I feel better.  I was carrying around two bowling balls, all the time.  Fairly evenly distributed bowling balls, but bowling balls nonetheless.

It’s apparently become obvious to others in the past week or so – though it’s also possible that the liquor factor of last Friday’s promotion celebration really opened people’s mouths.  My colleagues and the faculty here at the University kindly used words like ‘trim’ and ‘svelte’ – one man said I was a shadow of my former self’ – and while I am utterly complimented and glad that it’s showing, I was also a little surprised.  I mean, this is the first real success at weight-loss I have experienced, and though I know I was not slim before this, I didn’t count myself as particularly large, either.  I was a size 12-14, which is average, and I don’t personally see the changes as being drastic.  Yep, my old pants don’t fit, and I had to buy new bras.  But the changes seemed so gradual that it was pleasantly surprising that people would comment.

It is also a little weird.  Something a little bittersweet about it.  I didn’t feel all that great about myself three months ago, but I didn’t feel too terribly bad, either.  The new commentary makes me feel good, but the side effect is that I look back and am a little sad for that version of myself.  Was I delusional about how I really did appear?  Or was I really so much bigger before?

I suppose since it’s obvious now that my perception of self isn’t quite on the money, I can’t help but wonder if I’ve always been off.  Did I look bigger than I thought I did? I was asked the other day if I’d lost a bunch of weight.  What’s a bunch?  I suppose I have lost a bunch of weight, but I don’t think I look all that much different.  And if I were to add ‘a bunch of weight’ to my current bod, I would feel blimplike.  Was I blimplike?  I didn’t think so, but…

Who cares, right? The past is past!  Here I am, in the now, with my goals in sight and the willpower to make good choices and pursue them.  Here I am, in the first single-digit size pants I have worn since high school.  Here I am, rock you like a hurricane.

It’s good, really.  I don’t mean to complain.  And I don’t plan to earn those numbers back.  But still, I feel a little pang for old me every time I get a compliment.  It’s not sensible, and I’m trying to get over that – it’s just silly.  Let me be as Anne Shirley, and laugh, sip the honey from the tribute, and cast away the sting.

-y

Gah!

December 7, 2008

The whole wordpress shebang looks different.  I am just a bit bizarre-d out by the new look.  Wacky.

I felt lots of things this weekend, including (but not limited to):

  • Overwhelmed
  • Anxious
  • Concerned
  • Confused
  • Encouraged
  • Sad (but not all the way sad, just a tinge of sadness)
  • Slow
  • Ill
  • Unconcerned
  • Involved
  • Annoyed
  • Uninformed
  • Goddamn tired.

I am going to audition for a show – my favorite show – in January.  A girl I know who is excellent at musical theatre, she convinced me.  We were talking about auditions, and I mentioned that I hadn’t auditioned for anything in a billion years – and she told me I should, that I needed to.  And that I’d be perfect for one of he parts in this show, my favorite show.  So, I will go, the last weekend of January, and sing for a bunch of people I’ve never met, with a resume that includes exactly zero recent experience (and very little not-so-recent experience) and if I am cast – which I do not expect to be, as I know there are quite a few wonderful vocalists out there auditioning for this particularly excellent show – then I will make a decision about my Spring semester.  It might be worth it to get behind a little to sing in this show.  If they want me.

Now I have to pick a song or two, and rehearse a monologue, and get an appointment.  And headshots.  Dear me.  It’s an ordeal to audition for shows.  But I felt so encouraged by this girl — she’s really fucking good.  And she thinks I am good, and that I would have at least a small shot at getting a part.  Even if I don’t get cast, I feel rather bolstered by her endorsement.

This week, I have to begin and complete a special project (a monte carlo simulation), do a regression analysis, study for and take a statistics final, give a case presentation, work on a forty-page paper with my boss-lady, and finalize my notebook.  I feel royally screwed.  And also like all I want to do is go to bed.

Overestimation!

December 4, 2008

Two instances:

First, I overestimated my ability to get on here and blog daily.  Yeah, no.  Therefore: x365 is on hiatus ’til December 19 – the final day of finals week.  Then I shall sally forth with my witty repartee all glib and sharp and unrelenting.  Watch out!

Second, my professor overestimated my grade.  I wrote this shitty case study in about twenty minutes – people were calling and knocking even though the office was closed, and my other job called, and blah blah blah I churned a total loser of a paper out and had it ready to turn in and turned it in and gave it up to the powers of paper-grading that be.  Yesterday, the professor turned it back to me–

Interrupted.  My boss-lady just basically told me that in a fight, she’d kick my ass.  I love my job.

Right, so professor hands it back, shaking his head, and said, “You sure do know how to write,” or some other doofus thing.  I cracked up laughing.  I’d earned full points.  I re-read it — it was like reading a stranger’s writing.  Like I’d never seen it before.  Hey, pretty good!

Off to challenge boss-lady to some sort of match.  She’d whoop me at an arm wrestle, but what about a staring contest?  Maybe I could hold my ground.  WE SHALL SEE.

50×365: DL.

December 2, 2008

Time passes strangely when you know a person solely through a weekly pursuit.  I’ve known you for a long time, but if you condense all of those days we’ve spent together, I’ve really known you for less than two months.  So… you’ve improved quite a lot in those two months!

Theme songs!

December 1, 2008

I pretty much watch the Discovery Channel and TLC because they have the best little ditties for their network show advertisements.  The ‘It’s a beautiful life’ song on TLC, featuring the Monday night lineup- Jon and Kate Plus 8, 17 Kids and Counting, Little People Big World – LOVE IT.  Every time it comes on, all saturated with beautiful colors, and positive sounding… great.

And then the Discovery Channel one, with all the show participants and hosts singing about how the world is an awesome place – ‘I love the whole world’?  I can’t help but love it.  Sometimes, a commercial is worth watching.  They do a damn fine job.

And that is what.