Metrics.

November 5, 2009

So I’m in class (again, surprise, what is new) and this professor, boy is she a pistol.  She literally wrote the book(s) on the subject, and has no qualms about reminding us that she is the foremost authority on about nine different themes, theories, topics – she’s got it.  She’s very confident and compelling, and she’s obviously got her shit together.

This professor likes me, it seems.  I’m quick and I flourish and I do things with a touch! of! flair! and am generally more interesting than the standard unengaged MBA or blowsy executive she’s usually dealing with.  That’s my theory, anyhow.

So she’s always throwing out big long complicated phrases, memory-trigger sorts of sentences that make no sense unless you’ve heard their context – and then are helpful, but WHOA does she use them often.

In class last night, I was zoning out in that special way where you’re nodding your head when some little snippet makes it past your shut-down-brainwall but otherwise you’re effectively staring into space.  (Not that it wasn’t interesting.  It was.  I was just DONE – finished a case study and an entire midterm exam in the space of six hours, terrible quality work but COMPLETE – and before the lecture we had to sit through an hour-long presentation about Not Being an Asshole in Business.  Valuable. More on that later. Anyhow. End parentheses.)

So, Professor McConfidence said, again, “How you measure me is how I will behave.”  She was talking about throughput metrics in supply chain management, but hey whoa! That is true in LIFE.  DING!  BING!  SHAWING!  It got through my brick mental wall and hit me in the brain.

I am a SHIT student right now. If I was at 80% in my undergraduate years, I’ve gone progressively downward through the MBA.  These professors are probably getting 20% from me.  I show up, and I do the assignments, basically.  Some of them. I don’t EVER fucking READ, and when I’m there, I’m on my computer, screwing around.

But nobody catches me.  I get As.

How I am measured, that’s how I will behave.

You think my work is acceptable?  Hokay then!  I will keep it up.  No matter that I could do about ninety times better.  No matter that this is completely mediocre, when compared to my potential.  No matter!  I will continue this behavior because it is rewarded.

One of these days it won’t be.  That’ll be a relief.

 

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