Best audition ever.

November 20, 2009

So I did a show this spring and got totally hooked.  Now I’m auditioning for everything under the sun even though I have jack for time.  But hey, that’s how I roll.

This most recent audition is for a webseries, self-described as “an action-adventure fantasy comedy” by a a grassroots production company that’s had some really excellent dorktastic funny movies.  I’ve always been entertained by their stuff, and I feel like I was somehow in on the first level of their success ’cause I went to their premieres as a student, before they became a Cult Smash Hit.  You know that sort of “I knew them when” thing?  Yeah.  Got that.

When an audition notice came through for their new project, I was totally excited.  Irrationally so, ’cause I then did some research and FREAKED OUT, because they’re using a real casting director and doing a second round of auditions in LA and all that nonsense.  But hey, an audition’s an audition’s an audition, and it could be really fun – even one of the tiny single-appearance parts would be fun.  So why not!  I emailed, got an audition slot, and was sent sides for the character I happened to be most interested in — who, luckily, had no ‘partial implied nudity’ required!  YES.  WIN.

(I’m not linking to their site, ’cause I know how these googly analytics work and I don’t want them to trace back and learn just how ridic I am ’til the casting is final.  You know?  Yeah.  Anyhow.)

Fast forward to last weekend.  It’s Sunday, the day of the audition.  I’ve planned to go to a good friend’s house to use her photo printer between rehearsal and the audition.  (I need two copies of my headshot and two copies of my resume.)  The audition is scheduled for 6:20, in Seattle.  It’s 4:30 and I’m in south Seattle.  Perfect!

Except shit isn’t working.

Seriously, nothing is working.  We reboot, we recalibrate, we smack it around, we panic.  We try every damn setting in the damn mac and every subsequent damn setting on the damn printer and NOTHING is working.  I can get the resume to print, but the images get stalled and fucked up and a mighty storm of ghetto-ness rains down upon the earth.

And now it’s 5:50, and I have half an hour to drive up the scariest freeway in the world to a building I’ve never seen, find parking, put on some makeup (I’d figured I’d have plenty of time for that when I got there early.  HA), get in there and BE AMAZING.  Without headshots.  So I’m like, fuck.  I can’t bring them a handful of NOTHING to staple to my resume.


I put a piece of 8.5×11 paper up on the screen. I grab a pencil. I get to tracin’.

I should've gone to art school, eh?

And I throw my genius improvised I’m-not-asian-but-I-sure-do-look-it-in-these-faux-headshots in my bag and haul ass to the car.

(For the record: yes, I know, that’s almost the least professional thing I could’ve done, short of sharpie-ing .  But I was hoping that since their brand of schtick is the type  where events can go wacky any moment, nobody would throw me out on my ear.  Maybe they’d even like it!  Stupid.  I KNOW.)

I make my hasty way up the viaduct, number one place to avoid in an earthquake, and by some miracle, find the place.  It’s 6:18.  Joy!  Now to find a parking spot.  Consternation.

Shit.  The only available spot is in front of a fire hydrant.  Fuck it.  I take it.

I book it across the street, inside, upstairs.  I’m practically gasping for air, I’ve got a stitch in my side from taking the stairs two at a time for two flights, my hair’s half-plastered to my forehead from the rain, I’m flushed as only an Irish girl flushes, and did I mention I’m wearing exactly zero makeup?  And this is a screen test?  Meaning I have to audition for a camera?  Looking like a bedraggled homeless person?




Scene: Hallway.

“You’re Yvanka?”


“You’re up!”


I walk into the room, shake hands, introduce myself, and try to pretend I don’t look like a crazy person.  The casting director starts to give me a little more background about the character I’m reading, wraps up and asks me to ‘slate’.

Hell if I remember what that is. Was there was something in the email about it? Think, think think!  You don’t want to appear unprofessional, unkempt AND stupid, girl!

So I guess.  Isn’t a slate that clapper thing they smack together before they do scenes in movies?  So, information?  I look directly at the camera, say my name and the part I’ll be reading.  And then I plaster a big dorky grin on my face.  THUMBS UP!  Relief.

So I do the scene – it’s a monologue, really – and the casting director is laughing.   I’m hoping it’s because I’m funny, and not because I’m a laughable excuse of a mess of an actor.  She plays into my hope and says, “Great! We’re gonna have you do it again with these notes—” and she interrupts herself there to say, “Do you sing?”

The character description specifies that this character must have a strong singing voice.  Dingding!  If there’s one thing I can do, that’s it.  I can make vocal singing-like sounds.  Win!

“Yep!”  I answer.

“Would you sing for us now, so we can get an idea of your pipes?”
“Sure, anything specific?”
“Whatever you’ve got!”
Gah, I hate that.  Note to everybody ever: if you’re gonna ask somebody to sing, give them a little direction, okay?  Just a little would be great.  Thanks!
I ask a followup question – “Are you looking for something more musical-theatrey, or something more opera-y?”
“Oh, whatever works!”
Argh.  So I do both.  A little Spring Awakening, a little Gianni Schicchi.  I get a ‘wow!’ which makes me feel better about the eighty-thousand bungles that have brought me to this point.  Then she has me do the side again, incorporating a couple of notes she has.
Then the casting director stands and says, “Can you say INSTANT CALLBACK?!”
Ha!  Hahaha!  Ha!  Are you KIDDING ME?  HELL YEAH.  My first screen test, with well-received drawn headshots, wet hair, and no makeup?  It went well.
And I didn’t get a ticket.

One Response to “Best audition ever.”

  1. Megan Says:

    This is the happiest, bestest blog post in the ENTIRE WORLD. I am sitting at the reference desk grinning like a fool. EFFIN’ AWESOME, YO!

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